How do you describe yourself?
Some of us hold onto what has happened or been done to us. It’s always right there at the surface. Emotional pain from the unfair treatment, betrayal or abandonment. It becomes familiar even though we want the pain to go away. Sometimes familiar is safer than the fear of unknown change.
We tell the story and know how people will respond.
Consider this…what if your story is not important.
What emotion does that evoke in you? It’s really important to pay attention to the emotion that idea brings up because it will point you to where the work needs to be done. Often the reaction is along the lines of “how dare you suggest what happened to me was not important”. This may be because telling our story reinforces the validation that what happened to us was wrong and if I say that it isn’t important then that means being wronged was okay. NOT TRUE.
Your story is not who you are, but it can be a situation that has shaped you. It’s one of many moments that have shaped you.
The ONLY thing I am is who Christ made me. And my focus needs to be there and no where else. I can look for evidence in everything for those characteristics….God has made me strong and the proof of that is in how I came through each painful moment in my life. God has made me sensitive and the proof of that is in how easily I cry and feel both painful experiences and joyful ones.
It’s as though we drag certain painful moments around like they are a duffel bag full of rocks.
You could drop the bag….let it go and leave it right there on the side walk. What would it take to let it go? What would it feel like to stop telling that story? To start telling people who you are in Christ. Until you allow God to help you leave that story in the past, you will find it difficult to heal from it.
I used to get very frustrated with my church family when they’d tell me to let it go. I’d have a temper tantrum of frustration in my mind; “Don’t you think I’ve tried? If it was that easy, don’t think I would have just flipped that switch by now?” And I am sorry if I have evoked that in you. I, in no way, mean to make it seem that easy. Often there is quite a tangled mess God has to help us undo before we can “let it go”. And in many instances it starts with mourning. Mourning similar to the stages of grief people go through when someone they love has died. And once you get to that acceptance stage, God will lead you to a place of burial for that story and healing from it’s wounds.
Remember that God brings ALL THINGS together for good, even divorce. He will turn your mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11). Some of the things you may have been through were quite traumatic and should be worked through with help. Nothing you have endured is impossible for God to redeem and heal you from. Nothing. But He often uses others to come along side us as we move into that freedom from the pain of the past.
In the mean time, talk with God about who you are outside of your circumstances and experiences. He will direct you. It may be that you have some healing to do before you can start to hear or believe Him, but allow Him to lead you down this road in whatever way He knows is for your good. Discern God’s voice by remembering that He is love and love is patient, kind, not envious or boastful. It is not proud, rude, self-seeking or easily angered. Love keeps no account of wrongs and does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.(1 Cor 13)