It’s important to remember that EVERYTHING you do is being watched….by your children.
ALL. YOUR. LIFE.
They are learning from you how to be…
an adult
a parent
a spouse
an ex spouse
a sibling
a person with hurts and anger
a person with needs, wants, desires
a person who navigates the ups and downs of life
They are watching how you take care of them and will know how to take care of their own children some day because of you. They are watching how you cope with hurt. If you never cry, then they likely will believe it is not okay to cry. If you never rest or take time for you, then they will likely never take time to care for themselves or may feel guilt if they do.
If they are your whole world and they watch you stop everything for them, they will believe that it is how people should be treating them. But it isn’t how people treat each other. No one person should be the center of another persons life except for Jesus. And Jesus teaches us balance. And calls us not to have anything or ONE before him, including our children.
I believe we are fighting against (or to prove) the idea that we are good parents. It’s what drives some of us. Wanting to be a good parent is not wrong unless our motivation is off. Remember that God is concerned with our heart (aka motivation). If we secretly hope others see us a certain way (i.e. put together, competent, loving), then our motivation is pride. Pride often comes from a place of hurt and rejection, so we rise up to prove that they were wrong and that we are all those things they said we are not. God’s mission is to draw you close to Him by removing and freeing you from anything that gets in the way. Dare to be brave enough to ask God if this is where you have been operating from so that He can free you from it.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26
There are countless other motivating factors, but one other big one I will touch on is that of neediness. We try to fill our loneliness, worthiness, value, importance with being a good parent. Some of these factors run very deep emotionally and can be kind of messy to work out, but nothing is too big for our God who has peace and joy for you. Listen to His leading and get some help if you find yourself trapped in a situation you are struggling with.
So let’s briefly examine the best example of a good parent, Father God. He provided guidance, but did not spare His son from pain. He encouraged His son to take time for himself to pray. I see this as self care and strength/endurance building. Jesus could not have done his work without staying connected to his Father. God provided an open and safe place for his son to work through the entire range of emotions; praise to fear, joy to despair. Our Father never gave up who He is for his son. Including that day that had to be the worst (and best) day of them all. The day He had to look away. I can’t imagine having to do that as a parent. But it’s the ultimate example of doing what is best and right for our children, all of them.
God has blessed you with the gift of caring and raising His precious child (or children). He makes no mistakes, you were chosen. What an honor to be entrusted with the treasure of our King. Let Him guide your parenting daily from a place of what is best for your child/ren.