When that baby you carried is placed into your arms for the first time the last thing you think is how to help him or her not need you.
It amazes me how having children has been the best thing I have ever done and, at the same time, the most worrisome thing I could have brought upon myself. I cannot fathom the idea of losing them and so I set out to protect them, keep them safe at almost any cost. We start to see the danger in this world like we have never known. And if we don’t reason deep enough, we will become the all too common helicopter parent.
What is best for our child? What is the goal for him or her? As a counselor for lots of years now, I have said to countless parents that the bottom line is this, “we just need our babies to be okay and for them to grow up to be successful, happy human beings”.
Sure can be a challenging road and as the saying goes, there is no manual.
There is a fine line between wanting to always be connected to our children and having them needs us. But there is a line between those two and it’s important.
I believe that from the day they are born our job as parents is to prepare to let them go. We are blessed with the proverbial “18 years” to love, guide and prepare them for the purpose God has written on their hearts and prepared in advance for them.
We first get to create a foundation of connection that they will (hopefully and ideally) carry with them throughout their life. Notice I said connection not need. It’s very easy to make our children the center of our lives and all that matters. But the center of our life should be God alone. You also have a purpose written on your heart that may include being a parent, but is not exclusive to being a parent.
The truth is that our children really don’t belong to us. They belong to God who has chosen you as their parent. And, don’t be mad with me, but God loves your child more than you could ever love him or her. Which means you now have an opportunity to enter into a deeper trust with God. Do you trust Him to protect your child? How about when things don’t look good or like you planned?
Thankfully, God is bigger than your failures and has never required you to be perfect. He can handle and has a plan for your imperfections as a parent. We all have them, but we are also all awarded this amazing gift called grace. God will use ALL THINGS for good for your child, including the times you lost your temper, forgot something or disappointed him or her. He has a plan for your baby and you are an important part of it.
Ask God to help you keep Him the center of your life while showing you the best way to raise your child. So many struggles and concerns emerge in parenting that can cause a range of negative emotions. Guilt, shame, fear are just a few of the ways we feel in the midst of this great adventure. But guilt, shame and fear are not what God has for us. If you are stuck in any of these, please remember that you were never meant to do life alone. Reach out to someone safe for help in this area so that you can find the true freedom and joy God has for you in this season.