There is nothing like crying to make people feel uncomfortable. So often the message we get is one of several. “Toughen up” or “Big girls don’t cry” or “Tears don’t pay the mortgage” or “He was a jerk to you, why would you cry over him” or “Are you still upset about that? It’s time to move on” or the couple I heard often “You’re so sensitive” and “Go to your room and cry”. Wow, those are some strong messages, yet subtle. Sometimes even well meaning, but I stand firm that they are wrong.
It took me a long time to come out of hiding. You see, I am a “cryer”. And I’m sensitive. But what I have learned is that I am also pretty tough. I have lived through some tough times experiencing the truth that God never leaves or forsakes us. But there is a subtle message out there that tears mean weakness. And I bought into the lie that I was “too much” (aka too sensitive) and therefore, not good enough. LIE.
Since I believed it, I tried to change because of it. I tried to shut everything out and make it so that I did not care about anything. Of course, I failed miserably. It’s not how I was created. It took me so many years to finally celebrate God’s creation. His choices about what personality traits he hand selected for me. And yes, a couple of those are sensitivity and emotional expression through tears.
What are the chosen personality traits He gave you? Do you praise Him for them or wish you didn’t have them? Listen for Him to tell you that He made you that way for a purpose that glorifies Him.
So much of the ministry of Jesus was opposite of the “norm”. And so is crying. In the Bible water is a symbol for cleansing (think baptism). Your tears are a gift from God for cleansing. And they are not wasted. In fact, God counts every one of them.
Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll -- are they not in your record? Psalm 56:8
Sometimes it’s not about crying being unacceptable. Sometimes crying is difficult because it’s a place of vulnerability. And often vulnerability is an opening for abuse. It’s simply not safe to be vulnerable. I am certain this pains our loving and compassionate Father’s heart immensely. I hear Him whisper, “It was never supposed to be this way”. I also hear Him say, “Come to me, I am safe”.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; Isaiah 42:3
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
So why cry? Why open yourself up to that vulnerability?
First, God is safe.
As long as you know Him for who He truly is. Sometimes people don’t see Him as safe. Maybe you feel as though He has abandoned you, ignored you or said no to something that your heart truly desired. If that is where you are, then this is where I suggest you begin your healing - Getting to know who God is and what His promises are for you.
Second, confessing your hurts, pains, failings and frustrations heals you.
This often happens within community. God is relational and does some of our healing within our relationships. But we must be wise and seek God first about the people He has for us to work with on our healing. Not all people are safe or God’s choice for us.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Third, when we go to God with our tears and weariness, he promises us rest.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength… Isaiah 30:15
He has rest for you. And when you carry such burdens that bring you tears, He longs to trade that burden and give you rest.
May you find the strength and healing of vulnerability in your tears as you offer them to your Creator.